Is your partner a sociopath?

This may be a question you never imagined you would be asking. Things started out so good, but something changed. It began with an uneasiness in your gut and spiraled into something much darker.

You started to see red flags: texting their ex, getting calls from unfamiliar names, becoming aloof and distant after being so close and intimate. Things aren’t adding up anymore and you feel like the crazy one. These are 10 signs you may be in a relationship with a sociopath.

  1. They’re beyond charming.

    Funny, outgoing, charismatic? You got it. A classic sociopath has an impeccably crafted mask that looks to outsiders like a successful and personable person. People are often drawn to their charm and status. They care a lot about their image, protect their ego, and need people to like them.

    sociopath
    Rupi Kaur – Milk and Honey
  2. They get you hooked.

    When you first get involved with a sociopath you may be floored by their constant messages. They want to talk to you every day, all day. They need to express doting words of affection, and they get you hooked. Many sociopaths prematurely drop the L bomb and hurriedly suggest moving in together. They become distant and aloof over time but if they sense you are moving on, the original affection will ensue. They need you dependent on them to effectively manipulate you.

    sociopath
    Rupi Kaur – Milk and Honey
  3. They have a sad story.

    Sociopaths frame themselves as vulnerable and humble. They commonly lay out a sad story to attract empathy and drop all barriers in order to encourage you to share your own personal information with them. You feel like their willingness to open up is a sign of intimacy when in fact, it’s a trap.

    sociopath
    Rupi Kaur – Milk and Honey
  4. They can read you like a book.

    Once you share your vulnerabilities freely, you’ve been psychoanalyzed. Sociopaths carefully study their target to gauge if they’re worth pursuing and use the information to carefully form themselves into the partner you desire. They usually pick up on the person’s fears and insecurities to later exploit them.
    sociopath

  5. They have multiple targets at a time.

    You’re not the only one and you never have been. Sociopaths use people to fill their needs. This need could be for finding a job, getting money, receiving flattery, or layering attention to mend their fragile self-esteem. Sociopaths have multiple relationships that overlap and are almost always involved in affairs. If one relationship is coming to an end they quickly turn to another.

    sociopath
    Rupi Kaur – Milk and Honey
  6. They are pathological.

    Whatever they do, they do a lot of it. Maybe they drink excessively, smoke compulsively, text too much, or play video games for hours on end. Sociopaths rely on outside stimuli to fill their fractured connection to their self. They can never be fully alone with themselves without turning to something to fill the void.

    sociopath
    Rupi Kaur – Milk and Honey
  7. They feel like your soulmate.

    Not only because they tell you so, but they manufacture a perfect love with flattery, future-promising, and love bombing. They need your love to manipulate and control you. Without your love their ego becomes completely bruised. Sociopaths can message targets years after no-contact just to check in and sink the hooks in once again, this is their ultimate conquest.

    sociopath
    Rupi Kaur – Milk and Honey
  8. Lying is their talent.

    You will never know the truth. Sociopaths are trained liars and due to their lack of empathy they don’t flinch while doing it. Even if you do find evidence of a dark truth, they will gaslight, a manipulation tactic where they will deny you saw anything to begin with and dismiss you as crazy.

    sociopath
    Rupi Kaur – Milk and Honey
  9. You never feel closure.

    We often feel we need the whole truth to feel closure, but this will never be received after a relationship with a sociopath. What you know is generally the tip of the iceberg. Non-sociopaths try to rationalize or understand the actions of their abuser. The truth is that you will never understand the actions of someone operating on a disparate moral code.

    sociopath
    Rupi Kaur – Milk and Honey
  10. You can get the sweetest revenge.

    After a relationship with a sociopath your deepest insecurities have been played with and brought to the surface, raw and vulnerable. You feel empty, confused, angry, and depressed. The best way to seek revenge is by going no-contact and living your best life.

    sociopath
    Rupi Kaur – Milk and Honey

    It takes bravery to run.

    The sociopath will continue their life without remorse but they will never experience the happiness you are capable of. You can be in an honest, loving, and mutually respectful relationship. Your greatest revenge is the fact that they have to live with themselves and you don’t. You can move on from painful love and experience real happiness. That is truly the best revenge.

sociopath
Rupi Kaur – Milk and Honey

If you’re seeking resources after leaving an emotionally abusive relationship there are support groups, like-minded people, and hopeful stories available to you. Below are a list of helpful resources:

  1. Emotional Abuse Support Groups
  2. Center for Relationship Abuse and Awareness
  3. Survivors of Sociopaths Community Group
  4. Love Fraud: After a Relationship with a Sociopath